Another part of the forest.
Upstage right is a wooden pole with five wooden sign posts pointing in
different directions. We see ELSINORE, BOHEMIA, VENICE, ALEXANDRIA and
CAMBRIA painted on the individual rectangles of wood. OSWYN, AVERY, GILES,
ROLAND and MAUDE enter from the left. MAUDE is in the bear outfit and lagging
behind the others. The MEN are just a little drunk. OSWYN holds a flask
which he drinks from, then hands it to Avery, AVERY hands it to Giles,
GILES hands it to Roland, then ROLAND starts to hand it to Maude, but seeing
she is wearing the bear's head, thinks better of it, takes a swig and hands
it back to Oswyn.
(glancing up at the road signs)
Well, here is where we part.
I'm off to Venice.
(checking his scroll)
And I'm to Alexandria.
I do not even knoweth where I'm off
(removing the bear's head and checking her scroll)
I hateth this. I should never
have agreeth to this. I wish I had been borneth rich instead of furry.
Will you stop complaining! You've
done nothing but complain since we left the cottage.
I don't wanteth to be a bear.
It maketh me sweat and it ruineth my hair.
Obviously I am in utter despair,
But not one of you tosspots seemeth to care.
Whoever said life was
It's something even clergymen
would never infer.
God only knows what I'm
coming down with,
While all you're coming down
with is fur.
Whoever said life was
That's why we cross ourselves
and keep on knocking on wood.
God only knows what lies in the
But you can bet your sweet ass
it ain't good.
And it ain't any better
at the top
Though we imagine their troubles
If you think that's erroneous,
Take a look at Polonius
And all those nobles we bring
ROLAND, GILES, OSWYN &
What's the matter?
Whoever said life is
Whoever said life is fair?
Whoever said life is easy?
So just shut up and act like
Be a bear, be a bear to the core!
(The FOUR MEN do a dance
around her. THEY put the bear's head back in place. MAUDE reluctantly joins
them. Then the dance becomes crazier and crazier, and MAUDE really gets
into the swing of it. The dance reaches a crescendo, and EACH begins to
go off in a different direction. Then ROLAND stops and begins to hyperventilate.)
Don't ask for anything more---
Be a bear right down to your
Be the best goddamned bear anyone
Not something else wrong with him?
My allergy. It's that wench's fur.
You go ahead. I'll be along in a bit.
Beware the fur of wenches. It'll
do it every time.
(The OTHERS exit in their
individual directions. ROLAND collapses on the ground, gasping for breath.)